The Inaugural Disco Shawn Buenos Aires Awards - Music/Culture/Society/Etc.

In case you are just now tuning in, I am leaving Buenos Aires today. To celebrate I decided to start doling out meaningless awards. Go here to check out my thoughts on the world of food. Read on to see what I have to say about everything else.

BEST CLUB NIGHT: Zizek

If you don't know what Zizek is then you have not been reading this blog for very long. Wednesday nights at Niceto Club, it is simply the most forward-thinking party in town.

BEST CLUB: Cocoliche

The classic downtown dance spot reopened this year after having its door shuttered for awhile. The dance floor is basically a downstairs basement that just happens to be armed with the best soundsystem in the city. It's a great spot to get down and dirty. Bonus points for the retro LED lights that adorn the ceiling.

BIGGEST MUSICAL DISAPPOINTMENT: Buenos Aires Rock Scene

For being such a big "rock" town, Buenos Aires sure does have a weak crop of local bands. Maybe the "rocker" culture is the problem, as musicians here can't seem to break away from the whole classic rock and rock nacional mold. A night watching Porteño rock bands is almost sure to be filled with limp pop-rock that sounds more or less exactly like the commercial stuff on the radio, only not as good. While a few groups are attempting to do something a little more modern, their stuff usually involves woozy indie pop tunes with some sleepy electronics in the background. What is lacking is a true sense of independent spirit, the notion that it is okay to make music that will never be on the radio or MTV. Bands here need to get dirty, be noisy and start breaking down some boundaries rather than simply regurgitating what has already been done.

BEST DJ: Villa Diamante

Arguably the biggest "underground" DJ in Buenos Aires, Villa Diamante may be known for mashups but his repertoire has truly pushed the genre into new territory. Not content to simply recycle whatever songs trickle down from the other side of the border, he works to combine obscure Argentinian artists with beats and lyrics stripped from more widely known international acts. In the hands of many these efforts would result in little more than an interesting experiment in intercontinental cross-pollination, but Villa Diamante also manages to keep dance floors bumping to his music. Anytime people are dancing en masse to artists they have never heard of and quite possibly never will, you know the DJ is doing something right.

BEST PRODUCER: El Hijo de la Cumbia

El Hijo de la Cumbia is a mild-mannered guy from San Martín (in the provincia) who just happens to be the best experimental cumbia producer in Buenos Aires. By combining the best of cumbia with elements of hip hop, dancehall, dub and more (he recently discovered dubstep), El Hijo de la Cumbia crafts a complex cumbia sound that is so much more than riffs stolen from the local bailanta. His work has already caught international attention, as Mexican sonideros frequently hit him up for tracks and international tastemakers like Diplo and DJ /Rupture have begun to take notice.

Honorable Mention: Daleduro

WORST DANCE MUSIC: Punchi Punchi

Buenos Aires is often compared to the cities of Europe, and its clubs are no exception. Unfortunately, most of what has been brought over in terms of club culture should have never been copied in the first place. Massive clubs with ridiculous door prices and crowds full of would-be beautiful people are bad enough, but when terribly cheesy Eurodance music is added to the mix you have the makings of a full-scale disaster. Tiesto sucks. Please make a note of it.

BEST POPULAR ARGENTINE BAND: Miranda

How a band fronted by a flamboyantly gay man and a trendy hipster girl became one of Argentina's biggest pop acts is a true mystery. Although Miranda's music can be a tad silly and isn't exactly breaking new ground, the group crafts fun little pop gems that will make you long for your old Erasure albums.

BEST ARTIST: Pum Pum

The Buenos Aires street art scene has been popping over the past couple years, and Pum Pum is leading the way. Whether painting a mural or helping to decorate the inside of a local restuarant or bar, Pum Pum and her art stand out from the usual graffiti nonsense. Her work often contains oddball characters, from wild-haired little girls to devilish little animals, all of whom maintain a precarious balance between surface-level innocence and something darker just underneath. As I overheard my waitress at Providencia say last night, "Pum Pum es lo más."

BEST ARGENTINIAN SLANG: Careta

Want to impress your Porteño pals? Drop the word careta into one of your sentences. The word is sort of the local equivalent of "snob", a pejorative term used to define people and places that perceive themselves as "better". Better than what? That's not exactly clear, but being called careta is not compliment despite the word's implied ties to Buenos Aires' upper crust. And apparently there is something utterly delightful about hearing careta slip out of a gringo mouth, because it gets a smile for me every time.

BEST BASTARDIZED SPELLING: Chau

I am not exactly sure where in Latin America people stop saying "adios" and start saying "ciao", but Buenos Aires is definitely a "ciao" city. With all of the city's European aspirations and influences, not to mention the large Italian population, that really comes as no surprise. What is interesting is that many Porteños spell the word as "chau", which still works phonetically but certainly looks pretty odd.

BEST PERK OF LIVING IN BUENOS AIRES: Delivery

One of the best parts about living in Buenos Aires is delivery. People can literally get almost anything delivered, often around the clock. From the basic pizza and empanadas to sushi and pasta, it is absolutely possible to eat well without leaving your house for days at a time. But delivery does not end with the usual lunch and dinner options. Want some ice cream at 11pm? It can be delivered. Want some coffee in the morning? It can be delivered. Need a bunch of alcohol for your party? It can be delivered. Want to rent some movies? They can be delivered. Want your laundry done? It can be picked up AND delivered. This city is a lazy person's dream come true.

Honorable Mention: Cheap Public Transportation

BIGGEST HASSLE: Getting change

I'm complained about this extensively. Why do ATMs give out 100 peso bills by default when few everyday items cost anything approaching 100 pesos? Why doesn't the government put more small bills and coins into circulation? The situation is simply maddening, especially because many transactions are played out like a game of chicken, with customers and cashiers staring each other down until someone breaks and admits that they have some smaller denominations.

WORST AIRLINE: Aerolineas Argentinas

Regular readers of the blog know that I am no fan of this awful, awful airline. Frequent delays and cancellations, subpar customer service and a poorly functioning website all equal disaster for travelers. If the Disco Shawn awards are ever expanded to a global level, Aerolineas Argentinas might still get tagged as the worst airline.

BEST FERÍA MOST PORTEÑOS WILL THINK YOU'RE CRAZY TO GO TO: Bolivian Fair, Bajo Flores

Every Sunday in Bajo Flores, the local Bolivian community holds a fair on Colonel Esteban Bonorino, a street that literally divides a villa (shanty town) in two. The street is loaded with vendors selling knockoff soccer jerseys, tacky jeans, produce, spices and lots of bootlegged music, movies and video games. There's plenty of Bolivian food too - fresh juices, chicharrones, fried chicken, soups and of course anticuchos, which are beef hearts roasted over a grill. (The grills are often constructed over shopping carts.) A day at the Bolivian fair is undeniably different from the average stroll through Buenos Aires and is something quite likely to shock your Porteño friends and neighbors, most of whom would never dream of going there.

WORST BEACH RESORT TOWN: Mar Del Plata

Mar del Plata is basically the worst beach I have ever visited. Have you seen those photos of Coney Island from the early 20th century where the beaches are just ridiculously packed with people? That is what Mar del Plata looks like during the summer. Throw in the fact that the water is cold and the town is an awful tourist vortex and going there is basically anything but fun. As a Californian maybe I am just a little spoiled...is this what going to the Jersey shore is like? Yikes.

NICEST NEIGHBORHOOD NO ONE TALKS ABOUT: Colegiales

Colegiales is like Palermo without all the funky shops and tourist-clogged streets. Although it may not be the most exciting spot in town, with its tree-lined streets, open spaces, cool old houses and generally tranquil atmosphere, Colegiales is as good for a mellow afternoon stroll as it is for settling down and raising and family.

BEST FOLKLORE HERO: Gauchito Gil

Gauchito Gil is a sort of Argentinian Robin Hood, a 19th century outlaw who was eventually killed after deserting the army because he refused to fight in an Argentinian Civil War. According to legend, just before his death he foresaw that his executioner's son was ill and told the executioner (a policeman) that his son could be saved if he prayed to Gauchito Gil. Apparently the policeman went home, prayed to Gauchito Gil and his son was miraculously healed. Nowadays Gauchito Gil is regarded as a sort of unofficial saint, a figure to whom many people pray and ask for protection. Gauchito Gil merchandise is readily available and can often be spotted in local taxis, which is not surprising considering how dangerous it is to be driving around in Buenos Aires for 8 to 10 hours a day.

BEST MOVIE THEATER: Showcase Cinemas Belgrano (Monroe 1655, Belgrano)

Situated in a sort of family fun center that is probably an absolute nightmare on the weekend, during the week the Showcase Cinemas Belgrano is a virtual ghost town and a great place to go see a movie. The selection is varied, matinee prices are super cheap, the seats are comfortable and the theater doesn't have the assigned seating found at many theaters here in the Argentine capital. Even better, if you are hungry afterwards you can relive your junior high days and grab a snack in the food court, or simply walk to down to the Barrio Chino, which is only a few blocks away.

Honorable Mention: Hoyt's General Cinema Abasto, Almagro

WORST MOVIE THEATER: Monumental (Lavalle 780, Centro)

Besides being located in the middle of the Lavalle shopping nightmare in downtown Buenos Aires, this rundown place has oddly-shaped theaters, sound and picture problems and a lobby that leaks during the rainy season. Even worse, it is always crowded. Do yourself a favor and see your movies elsewhere.

BEST AMERICAN SHOW I WOULD NEVER WATCH AT HOME BUT WATCHED ALL THE TIME HERE: Girls Next Door

In Latin America the show is called Girls of the Playboy Mansion, and it chronicles the lives of Hugh Hefner's three live-in girlfriends. Besides the creepy idea that an 80 year-old man has three girlfriends, all of whom he is presumably sleeping with, the show is oddly compelling and easy to follow since it airs every night on the E! network. I think my girlfriend Rachel wants to be best friends with Holly Madison.

Honorable Mention: Miami Ink

BIGGEST EXPAT BLOGGER CLICHÉ: *No winner*

There are just too many strong candidates in this field to pick the single biggest cliché, especially because so many Buenos Aires expat blogs are loaded with them. Can we please call for a moratorium on posts about meat, tango, crazy cab drivers and dog shit on the street? Please? No one needs to read about any of those topics ever again. And yes, I realize it's cliché to complain about blogger clichés on a blog.